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The Real Shiva Goddess
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In here, you'll find fun facts, quotes, and lists.  If you have one you would like added, feel free to let me know.

Shiva Goddess

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If it's mine it's mine,
if it's yours it's mine,
if I like it is mine,
if I can take it from you it is mine,
if I am playing with something ALL of the pieces are mine,
if I think it is mine it is,
if I saw it first it's mine,
if I had it then put it down it is still mine,
if you had it then you put it down it is now mine,
if it looks like the one I have at home it is mine,
if it is broken it is yours.

 

 

 

I work at a restaurant that functions through Murphy's Laws. In fact, "Murphy" happens to be my new nick-name. Whenever I DON'T work on Wednesdays, which is always pretty slow, there's a lot of business. When I work Friday nights, one of the busiest nights of the week, it's dead. If anything can go wrong at work, it will. Whenever you say it can't get worse, it does. Sometimes, we try to say that it will be a busy day so it will, in fact, be slow. But because we say it will be busy with the INTENT OF MAKING it slow, it is usually so busy we threaten to throw ourselves out of the windows. If it's quiet and one of us leaves, goes to the bathroom, or sits down to eat, costumers POUR into the dining room. If I'm stocking the soda machine, the next person to walk in will sit in the table NEXT to the soda machine, so that I can't finish my work, even if all other tables are free at that time. If we're low on chicken salad, that's what everyone wants. My family will always walk in during the biggest rush of the night. When we're busy, the 'to go' orders are always three pages long. The people with the largest parties, messiest meals, brattiest kids, and most complicated requests, will be the crappiest tippers on top of it. Murphy's a smart man. We at the restaurant, are still trying to figure out how to manipulate his laws to our advantage. It can't be done.

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A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy cold winter. They both had jobs, and had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address and sent the e-mail without noticing his error.

In the mean time:
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been "called home to glory" following a heart attack (died and gone to report in heaven). The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from family and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've arrived!

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

When your workmates absolutely guarantee they'll take care of your duties while you're on vacation, they won't.
Corollary: the week you're gone, will be the "week from hell" you now have to catch up on.

 

The 10 minutes presentation or video stating everything on how the company caring about you as an employee and as an individual was originally a brilliant April fools joke until a vice president decided that some of the grunts are dumb enough to believe it.

 

If you're already having a bad day, the shortest, most seemingly innocent trip will occur during the hottest, dustiest hour, along the most crowded, traffic-jammed street, with a broken traffic light, an accident blocking the way, wailing children in the back seat, and your car almost out of gas