If it's mine it's mine,
if it's yours it's mine,
if I like it is mine,
if I can take it from you it is mine,
if
I am playing with something ALL of the pieces are mine,
if I think it is mine it is,
if I saw it first it's mine,
if
I had it then put it down it is still mine,
if you had it then you put it down it is now mine,
if it looks like the
one I have at home it is mine,
if it is broken it is yours.
I work at a restaurant that functions through Murphy's Laws. In fact, "Murphy" happens to be my new nick-name. Whenever
I DON'T work on Wednesdays, which is always pretty slow, there's a lot of business. When I work Friday nights, one of the
busiest nights of the week, it's dead. If anything can go wrong at work, it will. Whenever you say it can't get worse, it
does. Sometimes, we try to say that it will be a busy day so it will, in fact, be slow. But because we say it will be busy
with the INTENT OF MAKING it slow, it is usually so busy we threaten to throw ourselves out of the windows. If it's quiet
and one of us leaves, goes to the bathroom, or sits down to eat, costumers POUR into the dining room. If I'm stocking the
soda machine, the next person to walk in will sit in the table NEXT to the soda machine, so that I can't finish my work, even
if all other tables are free at that time. If we're low on chicken salad, that's what everyone wants. My family will always
walk in during the biggest rush of the night. When we're busy, the 'to go' orders are always three pages long. The people
with the largest parties, messiest meals, brattiest kids, and most complicated requests, will be the crappiest tippers on
top of it. Murphy's a smart man. We at the restaurant, are still trying to figure out how to manipulate his laws to our advantage.
It can't be done.
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A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly
icy cold winter. They both had jobs, and had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided the husband would
fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into
the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left
off one letter in her address and sent the e-mail without noticing his error.
In the mean time:
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister
of many years who had been "called home to glory" following a heart attack (died and gone to report in heaven). The widow
checked her e-mail, expecting messages from family and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the
floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've arrived!
I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival
tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here. |
When your workmates absolutely guarantee they'll take care of your duties while you're on vacation, they won't.
Corollary:
the week you're gone, will be the "week from hell" you now have to catch up on.
The 10 minutes presentation or video stating everything on how the company caring about you as an employee and as an individual
was originally a brilliant April fools joke until a vice president decided that some of the grunts are dumb enough to believe
it.
If you're already having a bad day, the shortest, most seemingly innocent trip will occur during the hottest, dustiest
hour, along the most crowded, traffic-jammed street, with a broken traffic light, an accident blocking the way, wailing children
in the back seat, and your car almost out of gas
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